Is it possible to hide from oneself? We try. I try.
Generalized anxiety, a certain claustrophobia of thought. Trapped in gyrating discontent. It's like a subtle electric pulse crawling along my central nervous system. A dis-ease radiating from inside out.
It's...
The wash of chilled moist air ahead of the seaside storm. Can't flee it, fight it or even endure it in frozen indecision. The brush of salt in the eyes. The moisture - choking - stuck in the back of your throat.
Chaos -- Panic -- Vulnerability -- Gasping
Until, suddenly, oxygen saturates the very deepest part of your lungs. Feeds your brain. Remembers. Fast but deeply, BREATHE. You found the center, the eye of the storm. If not strength, perspective. Knowing the way out is through but that you're halfway there. You survived the first part, the onslaught. You'll survive the second. There will be a mess. But that's easy, you've cleaned up messes and started again before.
The unknowing, the rush of circumstances, decisions as yet unnamed, people, emotions, and environments thrashing in the tempest. This, the second half of the storm, shaped as much by your experience as by the external forces.
Bumps, bruises, heartaches writ of betrayals. Betrayals of self, constitutions, others. Weariness, bone-deep fatigue, and desolation.
But... hope. An emergency response team deployed to help pick up, refuel, allow for rest. Perhaps the best thing a person can do with anxiety is to prepare the emergency response plan and team members.
Who will watch the children? The pets? Is there a casserole in the freezer? Almond Joys or Girl Scout Cookies chilled for this moment? Where is there safe harbor for a moment? A day? Who will listen, over coffee, give a hug and validate you?
My experience says that preparation is great; sometimes, we're just caught off guard. Plans and teams need adjustments as our lives change. Have you created a plan? Have you reviewed it?