Alice.

She’s… well, she is my critical voice. I’d like to call her every name in my sailor’s repertoire; but, I might as well hold up a mirror because she’ll say it right back. She is my closest friend and enemy.

You see, Alice has helped me survive. She pushes me to think critically, take action, and be a better human. She shows me where I can make improvements and pesters me until I make progress. She is my motivation for 10,000 steps, healthier meals, developing relationships, and improving my business.

But, she’s cruel. Alice is a name-calling, immature, falsely-autonomous, voice of insecurity, regret, and fear. She likes to feed that fearful insecurity with over-exertion, binge eating, isolation, and apathy. She doubts every step I take. Alice thinks I’m a fraud when I don’t live up to her expectations. She magnifies other’s judgments and holds her disgust in high regard.

We converse a lot. I practice listening and then letting go. Sometimes, I swallow her criticisms and take action. I have learned to appreciate Alice because she lead me to this place. I have also learned that “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” I love her, now, as a family member. A voice distinct from myself - separate from my identity.

Do you know your critical voice? What would you name him/her?